


A Nice, Quiet Life

by everynickistaken



Series: Dialogue-Only [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Denial, Dialogue-Only, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Minor CC-2224 | Cody/CT-7567 | Rex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Requited Unrequited Love, guess who is who except it's not difficult to tell, uhh war is hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22641475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everynickistaken/pseuds/everynickistaken
Summary: A conversation Rex tried to have with Cody.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/CT-7567 | Rex
Series: Dialogue-Only [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657147
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	A Nice, Quiet Life

**Author's Note:**

> this was a stream-of consciousness kind of thing i made when i felt sad and lonely and unloved. with all due respect, suck on this ass, mr joyce

"I just want a nice, quiet life. What's wrong with that?" 

"Quiet or not, what you want doesn't mean a thing. You don't get to make that choice, because it's already been taken care of, and they had seen to it. Hell, you can want all you please, be my guest. But wanting this... you're only going to make yourself miserable." 

"You can't tell me that living the rest of our lives like this is what you want for yourself. Or for me. For any of us." 

"It's why we exist in the first place. What greater honor..." 

"Oh, don't you give me that shit. Aren't you tired of preaching about all your obligations and duties, and honor? What good has it ever brought you? Can't you see there's more to life than these scraps we're allowed to have? Cause I've seen more. Remember that clone I told you about? His family gave me shelter when I got wounded. If I knew I was gonna be created to fight a war until it finally kills me, for something I've never seen, for people who won't even mourn me when I die..." 

"What you're talking about is treason. He was a deserter, a traitor. And you should have reported him. And you know that, too." 

"Just like you should have reported those two sergeants of yours? Back then, I envied him, that clone, because they treated him like a person, not a soldier. The way his family looked at him, he had something he could call his own and that made me realize something." 

"Look, I'm... Listen, I just don't know..." 

"No, hang on, let me have this. How many more brothers must you bury to understand? Don't you think we've lost enough? Do you really think that's the only thing that's right? Do you really care only for..." 

"I was created to follow orders and to give them, just like you, just like Bly, like Wolffe, or even gods-damned Bacara." 

"Bacara's gotten his gods-damned brains scrambled at least twenty battles ago." 

"The point is, I don't even have time to decide what's right or wrong. This is all I have, the Republic, the war, the orders. All I have is this... life. And I can't just..." 

"So what's up with the dreams that you have?" 

"What about them? You're changing the subject." 

"Yeah, what about them? You think I can't hear you tossing and turning at night? That I can't hear you mumbling to yourself in your sleep? That I can't see you nodding off at your desk?" 

"That's none of your business. And it's not just me." 

"Oh, yeah, it's not. But you didn't always use to wake up all sweaty and shivering, did you?" 

"Why do you suddenly care so much?" 

"You wanna know what do you fucking whisper about? You're saying "no, not him", over and over, as if it was a fucking spell or some shit. Like you could change something. Who is that "he"? Can't you see what's become of you?" 

"You have no... Shut up." 

"Peak fuckin' soldier, no doubt, are you, huh? Cause I see you, the things you do when everything's over. You sit with your bucket on and look into distance, frozen solid like a statue. How you rock back and forth when you're writing rapports, when we're in our tent and you think I'm too busy reading to notice? How does that ninety one percent genotype-match of yours help? You're a fucking mess, commander, sir. You're running yourself into the ground, sir. What's going to be left of you until the end of this war? 

"As if that's ever going to happen." 

"You know... I worry about you." 

"Don't. I never asked you to." 

"Sometimes I worry so much until my head hurts. Sometimes I think I started before we even got deployed. What happened to... us?" 

"Umbara happened." 

"Not to you. You were away and safe on _The Vigilance_." 

"Don't you dare. Is that a competition? I've lost men too. You remember that? What's the fucking prize? Whoever wins, gets fucked or what? Could've just said so, we'd be done already." 

"Shut up. Don't _you_ dare talk to me like this. For fuck's sake! Is that so bad that I want to be safe, to be kind, to have some gods-damned peace and quiet? I've earned it all. I'm just a human being. And I'm tired of death. I'm sick of killing. Is that really so bad that I don't wanna die on some foreign fucking planet, my guts spilling out of my armor? I love you. I want you to be healthy. I want you to live, not just survive. Not just for me. Don't make me apologize for this. I'm not gonna apologize for my love. I'm not ashamed of it. Can you at least say the same?" 

"I knew I shouldn't have let you have that night." 

"Which one? That first night? Or do you mean the following morning? Or the next night, or the whole thing we've been doing ever since, any chance we get?" 

"Don't." 

"Is it because it's against the rules or because you're too fucking scared to admit it to yourself, to realize you do have something else, not just your war? Fuck you, man. You know what? One day it will all be over, and you'll have nothing. You'll be alone, love, and good for nothing besides killing. It's gonna be just your bucket and your blaster and your head so fucked up, you won't be even able to tell if you're having another nightmare or if that's just the life you wanted so much. And I'm not even gonna be there to watch you like that. And I'm telling you, you're going to wish you had already died."

**Author's Note:**

> #fuckbacaralives for some reason
> 
> thanks for reading, lmk what you think


End file.
